I just got another donation from Jenna B. Thank you.
I also just got my eviction notice. Nowadays it's a post card! I could have tossed it in the garbage thinking it was junk mail.
I'm shaking as I write this update. At present, I have $2500.00 to give to the landlord, or is it the court now????
All I know is that come Tuesday when the courts open up, I must be there.
Please help, please donate.
I don't want to become homeless. I've fought too hard and too long to try to create a life for myself.
Please, I beg you, help me.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I just wanted to give you an update on what's going on in my life right now. A family friend- completely out of the blue contacted me- asked me why I wasn't being "social" and why they hadn't heard from me in a long time.
I told them the truth. I was having financial difficulties. I was depressed and frightened. I really didn't have any desire to deal with anyone. I told them that it was hard to stay upbeat, be my normal bouncy self when things went so wrong. I didn't go hysterical. I've found that when you really get that depressed, you don't cry. You just go numb.
Anyway, they said that, and this is a quote from the email exchange, "I will save you." They offered to send me enough via a wire transaction into my checking account to pay off my back rent.
I was stunned and elated. I didn't ask them for help. I really didn't. When they offered, I couldn't believe it. It was like someone had thrown me a rope, and was pulling me back into the sun.
A week goes by and I didn't hear from them.
Please understand something. It's been so hard for me to go public about this. The really funny thing is, is that all my life whenever anyone needed anything at all, I've been there for them. If a friend has a problem, I'm there. If they need clothing, food, whatever it is, I've always been first in line to help.
However, when it's been my problems, I've always tried to solve them myself. I've always been independent, and as much as I'm a social butterfly, I've usually held my problems to myself. It's hard for me to open up and have to ask someone for help. I learned at a really early age that if I don't provide for myself, and look after myself, no one will. So, I grew up being a parent to myself. Trust me when I say this, it's not the greatest way to grow up.
I guess the old adage is true, that it's way easier to help someone rather than ask for help.
So when this person was like, "hey, don't worry anymore." I trusted them.
So I sent them an email asking if they had changed their mind. If they had I would understand, I didn't want to bug them, I just wanted to know what was going on.
I got an email back saying that they had never offered to help me, that it was all in my imagination, and that I should never contact them again.
I thought I was going to pass out.
To give hope to someone in a deeply desperate situation and then lie about it, is the cruelest thing you can ever do to another person.
I would have preferred them to not have said anything at all.
Another friend said that she'd help create this fundraiser. Neither of us knew what we were doing.
I mean, how often to run a fundraiser in your life? Yeah, I know it's not an everyday occurrence.
Anyway, the paypal donation thing got screwed up. And the people who did donate, you know who you are, and thank you, the money just sat unclaimed in the account. My friend out of embarrassment, didn't want to email them, an explain the situation and ask them to donate to me.
In the end, I got the password and user name for the account, deleted their donations. I had to, as it wasn't going to me, it was going to just sit there. Then I sent emails explaining the situation.
So where am I now?
I just got a job. I really did! I got a job that I love and adore. Ironically, a few days before I got the job, I was contemplating doing the final solution. The only thing that stopped me was my dog. I started to think what would happen to her if I was gone. She's a rescue dog, with lots of issues. I've worked with her daily since I rescued her five years ago. She's come a long way. She makes me smile and laugh when things are at their worst. Sophie the wonder dog, and she really is, saved me. And I'm glad she did. A few days after my decision, I got the job. Gee, what a super smart dog, huh?! Lol.
With my first paycheck I was able to pay my electricity bill. This was a marvelous thing because it was going to be turned off. I had gotten my disconnect notice. Iwas able to buy dog food. Yay! And I was able to buy coffee and milk for me. Double yay! Seriously, I need coffee to survive.
So now I have a future, one which I didn't think I would have.
However, I am desperate to pay off my back rent. It's $6000.00. To some people, that's a drop in the bucket. To me right now, it's huge. It's money which I don't have. Every day I come home waiting to see if the dreaded lock is put on my door. It's so weird that I got a job, yet can't pay off my back rent.
Here's where you come in. If you can see to donate something, anything at all, I would really appreciate it. I know we're living in crazy weird economic times, and I know how scary it all is for us all.
I'm so exhausted from shaking with stress every day. I worry that my home situation is going to screw up my work because I think about this constantly. I wish to god that I had family to rely on. It would be nice to have family, to have people who loved you and supported you when things go south for you. When they were alive, I learned way to early, that they wouldn't, that I was only a target for their own frustrations in life. Miraculously, I survived with my sense of humor and fairness intact. It took me a long time to realize that being called worthless every day was a lie.
Gosh I'm rambling. I'm sorry. It's oh, I can't explain, I am trying. But the only people who I can call out to help me are strangers.
Please help me save my home. Please help me. You have no idea how much this would mean to me. You have no idea how many times I've thought to myself, that I'm just a small pebble that's going to be thrown away. That I'm so helpless and all I want to do is to rectify this situation. But I can't do it alone. I wish I could.
Please help.
I told them the truth. I was having financial difficulties. I was depressed and frightened. I really didn't have any desire to deal with anyone. I told them that it was hard to stay upbeat, be my normal bouncy self when things went so wrong. I didn't go hysterical. I've found that when you really get that depressed, you don't cry. You just go numb.
Anyway, they said that, and this is a quote from the email exchange, "I will save you." They offered to send me enough via a wire transaction into my checking account to pay off my back rent.
I was stunned and elated. I didn't ask them for help. I really didn't. When they offered, I couldn't believe it. It was like someone had thrown me a rope, and was pulling me back into the sun.
A week goes by and I didn't hear from them.
Please understand something. It's been so hard for me to go public about this. The really funny thing is, is that all my life whenever anyone needed anything at all, I've been there for them. If a friend has a problem, I'm there. If they need clothing, food, whatever it is, I've always been first in line to help.
However, when it's been my problems, I've always tried to solve them myself. I've always been independent, and as much as I'm a social butterfly, I've usually held my problems to myself. It's hard for me to open up and have to ask someone for help. I learned at a really early age that if I don't provide for myself, and look after myself, no one will. So, I grew up being a parent to myself. Trust me when I say this, it's not the greatest way to grow up.
I guess the old adage is true, that it's way easier to help someone rather than ask for help.
So when this person was like, "hey, don't worry anymore." I trusted them.
So I sent them an email asking if they had changed their mind. If they had I would understand, I didn't want to bug them, I just wanted to know what was going on.
I got an email back saying that they had never offered to help me, that it was all in my imagination, and that I should never contact them again.
I thought I was going to pass out.
To give hope to someone in a deeply desperate situation and then lie about it, is the cruelest thing you can ever do to another person.
I would have preferred them to not have said anything at all.
Another friend said that she'd help create this fundraiser. Neither of us knew what we were doing.
I mean, how often to run a fundraiser in your life? Yeah, I know it's not an everyday occurrence.
Anyway, the paypal donation thing got screwed up. And the people who did donate, you know who you are, and thank you, the money just sat unclaimed in the account. My friend out of embarrassment, didn't want to email them, an explain the situation and ask them to donate to me.
In the end, I got the password and user name for the account, deleted their donations. I had to, as it wasn't going to me, it was going to just sit there. Then I sent emails explaining the situation.
So where am I now?
I just got a job. I really did! I got a job that I love and adore. Ironically, a few days before I got the job, I was contemplating doing the final solution. The only thing that stopped me was my dog. I started to think what would happen to her if I was gone. She's a rescue dog, with lots of issues. I've worked with her daily since I rescued her five years ago. She's come a long way. She makes me smile and laugh when things are at their worst. Sophie the wonder dog, and she really is, saved me. And I'm glad she did. A few days after my decision, I got the job. Gee, what a super smart dog, huh?! Lol.
With my first paycheck I was able to pay my electricity bill. This was a marvelous thing because it was going to be turned off. I had gotten my disconnect notice. Iwas able to buy dog food. Yay! And I was able to buy coffee and milk for me. Double yay! Seriously, I need coffee to survive.
So now I have a future, one which I didn't think I would have.
However, I am desperate to pay off my back rent. It's $6000.00. To some people, that's a drop in the bucket. To me right now, it's huge. It's money which I don't have. Every day I come home waiting to see if the dreaded lock is put on my door. It's so weird that I got a job, yet can't pay off my back rent.
Here's where you come in. If you can see to donate something, anything at all, I would really appreciate it. I know we're living in crazy weird economic times, and I know how scary it all is for us all.
I'm so exhausted from shaking with stress every day. I worry that my home situation is going to screw up my work because I think about this constantly. I wish to god that I had family to rely on. It would be nice to have family, to have people who loved you and supported you when things go south for you. When they were alive, I learned way to early, that they wouldn't, that I was only a target for their own frustrations in life. Miraculously, I survived with my sense of humor and fairness intact. It took me a long time to realize that being called worthless every day was a lie.
Gosh I'm rambling. I'm sorry. It's oh, I can't explain, I am trying. But the only people who I can call out to help me are strangers.
Please help me save my home. Please help me. You have no idea how much this would mean to me. You have no idea how many times I've thought to myself, that I'm just a small pebble that's going to be thrown away. That I'm so helpless and all I want to do is to rectify this situation. But I can't do it alone. I wish I could.
Please help.
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